i don't wanna hear you tell me

1. stop exaggerating
2. it's ok
3. you will be fine, you always are
4. suck it up
5. if you loved me then (...)

I never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever
want to be told these things after this month.

Last night was weird. and awkward. and ridiculous.
and now i have lost all of the pride that i (thought that I had) had.
it's like the Temptations "Aint too Proud to Beg" but much worse.
because i am too proud.
and my life has warped into some twisted movie plot where the main character is completely annoying and they always get whats comming to them. the kind of movie that gets all that hype like "WORLD PREMEIRE" of blahblahblah, and then only like three people actually mean to tune in.

I would think Jesus, but I am breaking the habit.
If he even exsists, then he would be tired of my bitchin by now.
SO
I scream FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK like a person that has forgotten to take their turrets meds.
I scream a lot now. at people. at places. at thoughts. and at inanimate objects.
i'm an angry person now.

Okayness: Madison::

Terrorism: Peace


i can
hear my heart
beat low and in
the distance. all knowing,
but knowing nothing.the sound repetitious but offbeat
I know its there-- i can feel iti see a peace, one intangible to mea peace that only my soul can imagine.
but this peace is not mine. this peace off in a
distance, it belongs to someone else. my soul
cannot bear peace within. there are too many thoughtsand yearnings. things that cannot not be. things that should not be
—but my soul refuses to drop them, repent and turn from its misfortunes.i tell me to keep going despite the lack
of hopeand lack
of backing
and lack
of truststriving for the impossible
i'm hungry, but i can't eat. I’m thirsty, but I won’t drink. To admit to failure is to be weak.
i'm hungry, but i can't eat. I’m thirsty, but I won’t drink. To admit to failure is to be weak.
i'm hungry, but i can't eat. I’m thirsty, but I won’t drink. To admit to failure is to be weak.
Despair
Hopelessness
Stubbornness
And
Anger
Breed

Dissapointment

whoo

play practice suckssssssssssssssss.

i try to have a positive, but there is only so much a girl can put up with before she flips her shit.
(like last thursday)

i basically just freaked out.
and although things arent going smoothy at all--i still have high hopes for a good show.
i want to convince andrew to help (;

meanwhile, my life seems a lot less dark.
i mean i still feel helpless/depressed/sucidal,
but not as often.
hip hip hor-fucking-ray !

i hate that a tonnnnnnnn of stuff is due.
and i miss a certain boy that i never get to see :/
[which is partly the reason for this depression]

i miss him even when i'm with him.
cause' i know that it will probably be days before i see him again.
we actually had a rare fight on friday.
i hate people that always get involved in my shitttttttttttt.

bahhh, i dont know.
i need to work on my language project.
im procrastinating.

;{
miss you cassidy by the way