Confusement

Just some damn good questions. That's all i do seem to have at my disposal these days. I know that adolescence is supposed to be this huge, awkward 'growing' phase, but seriously, no one warned me for this bullshit. It's like hey, you like your life? Well eff you, cause that's gonna change for NO REASON. Wait! It is different. Now we all go to a bigger, gayer school that has even more idiotic people. Why does every misled youth (basically every youth), has this need to conform? Not that I haven't. It's impossible not to change but why does it have to be so polar opposite? It is too much to ask that a person just stay humane? It seems as if everyone has been captured by evil scientists, and their brains got all wishy-washy, damaged beyond repair. I walk down the hallway and all i see is disappointment. Which proves my earlier post--it's all that you can count on. Which seems jaded. And cynical. But I go into homeroom and just accept without any denial or backlash that, yeah, i guess that girl that I've known since third grade is a huge slut. Or, yeah, my best friend since forever? Yeah, she likes to sit around and mull around in disgusting, insipid, pot smoke. Awesome, wake and bake ya'll!!! So cool. I just don't get it. My head can't wrap itself around the whole concept. I guess my mood so far this year has been pissed off, depressed, and disappointed. Pissed off: school, the ridiculous amounts of work, and redundant lessons. Depressed: everything I know has either changed completely, or left me in the stupid county to rot. Disappointed: no one has held on to their sanity, reality, or just plain un-common sense.
Plus, there is the whole love thing. Which innumerable would dispute to the death. Impossible to love this young? Let it not be forgotten that in the entire history of humans, we have always mated very young. This has only changed in the last century or so. I don't see how it's possible for adults just to disregard a person's feelings because of age. Sure, I know that a lot of teenager profess love, and then break up in two days but still..i believe that it's possible. And even probable. That's just another thing to be confused about. Although, I'm not afraid to admit anymore that I love him more than anything. I really, truly do. The thought of marriage used to seem pointless and just..scary..but I can't see myself minding if I woke up to him every morning. I don't feel chained down; I feel more alive, and free than ever. This can't be mere infatuation. It's love.